Week of December 25

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

Frank Sinatra


The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.

William Butler Yeats


An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his friends.

Ernest Hemingway


Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Ernest Hemingway


You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Dean Martin


Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.



Week of December 18

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.



I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

Tom Waits


24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

Stephen Wright


When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.  When we  commit no sin, we go to heaven.  Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven....

Brian O'Rourke


Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

Catherine Zandonella


Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Ambrose Bierce


Week of December 11

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.



A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.



What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

W.C. Fields


Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.



Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Oscar Wilde


When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Henny Youngman


He was a wise man who invented beer.



Week of December 4

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Benjamin Franklin


If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

Deep Thought, Jack Handy


Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine  invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Dave Barry


The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

Humphrey Bogart


Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

Kaiser Wilhelm


I drink to make other people interesting.

George Jean Nathan


All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.

Homer Simpson


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