Week of September 30

The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.

Oscar Wilde


Week of September 23

If you can walk over a man once, you can walk over him as often as you like.

Lord Beaverbrook


Week of September 16

I like to work half a day. I don't care if it's the first twelve hours or the second twelve hours. I just put in my half every day. It keeps me out of trouble.

Kemmons Wilson, CEO, Holiday Inns


Week of September 9

How to Know You're Growing Older:

Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You feel like the night before, and you haven't been anywhere.

Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

You get winded playing chess.

Your children begin to look middle-aged.

You finally reach the top of the ladder and you find it leaning against the wrong wall.

You join a health club and don't go.

You begin to outlive enthusiasm.

You decided to procrastinate but never get around to it.

Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.

A dripping faucet causes uncontrollable bladder urge.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You walk with your head held high trying to get used to your bifocals.

Your favourite part of the newspaper is Twenty-Five Years Ago Today.

You turn out the light for economic rather than romantic reasons.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

Your knees buckle but your belt won't.

You regret all those temptations you resisted.

You're 17 around the neck, 44 around the waist and 105 around the golf course.

You stop looking forward to your next birthday.

After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.

Dialing long-distance wears you out.

You are startled the first time someone calls you Old-Timer.

You remember today that yesterday was your wedding anniversary.

Your back goes out more often than you do.

A fortune teller offers to read your face.

The little old gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

You get all your exercise being pallbearer for your friends who exercise.

You've got too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

You burn the midnight oil after 9:00 p.m.

The best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.

Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl walk by.

You just can't stand people who are intolerant.



Week of September 2

In some parts of the world people pray in the streets. In this country they're called pedestrians.



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