Dilbert, by Scott Adams
Signs Collected by Air France Employees:
Tokyo Hotel: It is forbidden to steal towels. If you are not a person to do such a thing, please do not read this notice.
Leipzig, Germany Elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. If you loose them in your room, we are not responsible.
Paris Hotel Elevator: Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.
Athens Hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.
Yugoslavian Hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
Japanese Hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the woman who are employed to clean the room.
Moscow Hotel: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
Hong Kong Tailor Shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
Bangkok Dry Cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Rhodes Greece Tailor Shop: Order your summer suit, Because of the big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Japanese Hotel: Cold and Heat; If you want to condition the warm in your room, please control yourself.
German camping site: It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
Rome Laundry: Ladies, please leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
Czech Tourist Agency: Take one of our horse-drawn city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.
Swiss Mountain Inn: Special Today - NO ICE CREAM.
Copenhagen Airline: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Norwegian Lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
Moscow Hotel: If this is your first visit to the U.S.S.R., your welcome to it.
Signs Collected by Air France Employees
I love animals, they taste great.
EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
Assassins do it from behind.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
All generalizations are false, including this one.
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
Observe diners arriving at any restaurant and you will see them make a bee-line for the wall-seats. No one ever voluntarily selects a centre table in an open space. Open seating positions are only taken when all the wall-seats are already occupied. This dates back to a primeval eating practice of avoiding sudden attack during the deep concentration involved in consuming food.
I'm afraid of losing my obscurity. Genuineness only thrives in the dark. Like celery.